


Wherein Loki saves his favorite coffee shop, and accidently saves some of those puny mortals, too

by hebravelyranaway



Series: Of books, mischief and murder [1]
Category: Highlander: The Series, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Community: norsekink, Crack, Crack!Loki, Gen, Loki Does What He Wants, Loki will not bend to your whims logic, Poor Methos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-08-29
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:58:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4399958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hebravelyranaway/pseuds/hebravelyranaway
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New York gets attacked by yet another alien army.  Unfortunately, this time the Avengers are dealing with another threat on the other side of the world, so no one but one of the bad guys is on hand to save the city.  </p><p>Alternatively: Loki really doesn't want to lose his favorite coffee shop to an alien horde, and a certain Really Old Guy helps him get his priorities straight.</p><p>Chapter 2: Loki loses a philosophical debate with a four year old, and Thor makes an appearance.</p><p>Chapter 3: Loki and Methos get into something of an argument, and Loki refuses to let logic thwart him for a second time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am now making this part of a series, so this story is officially finished, this time, but if I have time to add to Methos and Loki's adventures, I certainly will, and most likely in one-shot installments. It's just that I am starting graduate school in a couple of days, and have to find a job, too, so I probably won't have much time to devote to fic. I really enjoyed writing this story, though, and thank you for all your comments and kudos!

A/N: The crossover character that I brought in to, um...encourage Loki, is Methos from Highlander: the Series. All you need to know about him is that Methos is an extremely old immortal who can only be killed temporarily unless someone cuts his head off, and that he used to be a very bad man. He also mocked one of his former partners-in-crime mercilessly for not reading enough the last time he saw him, so I thought he and Loki would have a lot in common.

Disclaimer: Loki belongs to Disney and Marvel, and Methos belongs to Panzer & Davis. I'm just borrowing them, and I'm not making money off of this story.

  
 

** In which Loki defends his books and caffeine addiction... **

 

When an army of creatures that looked like that alien cockroach thing from _Men in Black_ fell upon New York for the second time that week, Methos sighed in exasperation and turned to contemplate the quiet man in the corner of the coffee shop who was watching the invasion from the same spot and with the exact same vaguely peeved expression that he had watched the last one. Methos was about 500% certain that he was the supervillain named Loki, though he could feel something (Methos guessed it was magic) trying to make him think he wasn't. Too bad for the Norse god that one of the bonuses of being older-than-dirt was that he was now almost impossible to influence with mind-control.  
  
When a bug-thing crashed into the window of the shop, nearly shattering the glass and making several of the less jaded patrons trapped inside gasp in fright, Methos suddenly knew how to save his new favorite place to study, and even more importantly, save himself from a messy death and revival in front of witnesses. If there was one thing he knew, it was the mind of a mass-murderer, and he wasn't going to get Loki to intervene by trying to appeal to whatever currently passed as his moral-compass.  
  
He turned to the chaos god.  
  
"Are you going to let them do that to your favorite coffee shop, Loki?"  
  
The god frowned.  
  
"How do you know me?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"I'm immune to mental magic, and I see you enough on TV. So, are you?"  
  
He scoffed.  
  
"As if I would put myself on the line for mortals."  
  
"There are more than mortal lives in danger. This place is hardly going to escape unscathed, and some of your favorite books might be damaged."  
  
Loki hesitated, his eyes darting in a worried fashion to the well-used books lining the walls of the quaint shop. He nervously fingered the lace doily that decorated the table in front of him.  
  
"There—there will be other copies," he tried to convince himself.  
  
"The books that you've enjoyed will still be gone, though. _Forever_. And the coffee shop will be closed down for months during repairs; that is, assuming the owners even survive, and it reopens at all."  
  
Loki looked horrified.  
  
"But—where would I go when I want a break from taking over the world? Nowhere else makes my white chocolate mochas quite right."  
  
"Your perfect coffee would be gone forever," Methos said solemnly.

The god's eyes narrowed.  
  
"You're right, I cannot let this stand."  
  
He stood up determinedly, raising his hands in a way that Methos recognized, from seeing his battles with the Avengers on TV, as a precursor to casting a spell. Seconds later, there was a flash of nearly blinding light, and green bug goo decorated windows for miles around, the entire alien bug army decimated by one flash of the chaos god's nerdy rage.  
  
"That will teach them for touching my things," Loki said grimly, brushing his sleeves off primly before sitting down and calmly finishing off the rest of his mocha. Methos made a solemn vow to himself to never get between the god and his books.  
  
He wondered how the Avengers would react to this when they learned what happened here, and made a note to try and linger unobtrusively in the corner or something when they inevitably showed up to confront the one who actually had saved the day. What he wouldn't give to be a fly on _that_ wall.


	2. Wherein things get more serious, and Loki loses a philosophical debate with a four year old...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki loses a philosophical debate with a four year old, and Thor makes an appearance.

Loki had been ignoring him steadily for the better part of five minutes, evidently out of embarrassment if the uncomfortable set of his shoulders was anything to go by, though Methos could only guess why.  Perhaps he was embarrassed to have been manipulated so easily (and for the supposed god of deception, he could see why he would be), or else he had realized belatedly that destroying an entire army in such a dramatic fashion to protect books rather than people was so ridiculous it bordered on comical. Somehow he doubted it was the latter, though.  That would take self-awareness.

By the time the clean-up crews came around, the coffee shop had descended into some semblance of calm, and Loki took his last sip of white-chocolate mocha in silence, either oblivious to the stares of his fellow patrons or willfully ignoring them.  So far, most people had been too intimidated to say anything to the fallen god even to thank him, but Methos was sensing that that was about to change, if the curious stares of several children who had just gotten done being comforted by their mother were any indication.

The little girl, the youngest of the three siblings and therefore the one too young to have a healthy sense of self-preservation, slipped out of her mother's arms first, tugging on the crazed supervillain's sleeve as if he was just any other New Yorker.  Come to think of it, that kind of blind trust was probably unhealthy for children living in New York to possess whether or not the people they were striking up conversations with were supervillains, and her parents had best break her of that tendency as soon as possible.

"Mr. Loki?"

Loki nearly jumped out of his seat when he felt the tug on his sleeve, and looked down at the small child with alarm and not a little bewilderment.  Evidently realizing that he was gaping, his cheeks grew a little pink and he closed his mouth with a snap.

"Yes, child?"

"Thank you for saving us.  I was so scared."

The bewilderment on Loki's face increased.  Methos coughed, barely able to keep himself from laughing, and the god looked away from the girl briefly to shoot him a poisonous glare.

"You're welcome, but I'm afraid I don't understand _why_ you're thanking me.  I am a villain, and even worse, I used black magic to defeat those monsters.  My victory here today is hardly worthy of songs."

"You know black magic?  That is sooo cool," her older, barely school-aged brother cut in, eyes going wide.

"No it isn't.  It's something only those with no honor resort to," he said in an automatic, rehearsed way that sounded as if he was reciting something that he'd been forced to repeat as a child.

"Why?"

"Because it means that they are too cowardly to resort to real battle."

"Like smashing them on the head so their brains explode?"

 _By the gods, what was_ wrong _with this child?_

Loki frowned bitterly, but didn't seem to find anything off about the question, even if it was coming from a seven-year-old who had evidently been left unsupervised for long enough to get into violent videogames.  To be fair, neither would he have, five thousand years ago.  Unfortunately, that gave him some unwelcome insight into the kind of society Loki must have been raised in.  Apparently, the hyper-advanced alien society that was Earth's first contact with other realms had a few less than pleasant practices in common with ancient Mesopotamia. 

That would at least partially explain the violent way Loki dealt with his self-worth issues, at least. People who were sent into the battlefield at too early of an age weren't the best at expressing their emotions non-violently.

"I'm afraid that that is more my brother's favored technique than my own.  And yes, that is one of the things that would be considered part of honorable combat," he sneered.

"But you made more monsters' heads explode, so isn't that better?"

"In theory, yes.  But it is not a way one would fight an honorable enemy," he said, in that strange, automatically recited way again.

"Is that why you haven't exploded the Avengers yet?"

"It would be a grave slight to fight worthy opponents in such a way."

Methos gave his silent thanks to all the gods he'd ever believed in for the stupidity of Asgardian codes of honor.  He was less sure whether he should be grateful that whoever had taught those codes to Loki had damaged him so much in doing so that he found allowing himself to be defeated and humiliated over and over again preferable to using powers that could help him win.  What the hell was wrong with Asgard, anyway? Or was magic the Asgardian equivalent of nuclear weapons, so powerful and dangerous that there was a taboo against using them in all but the most dire circumstances?

"But giant bug things aren't worthy opponents, right?"

"…Right."

"So you're still a hero anyway, even if you did defeat them with magic."

"If you say so, child."

"No, _you_ just did.  You said you couldn't treat worthy opponents that way.  You said nothing about giant cockroaches," the child insisted.

His mother behind him, who it seemed had gone nearly comatose with shock at both seeing her children converse so casually with a mass-murderer, and come to absolutely no harm because of it, finally seemed to snap herself out of it, and put her hand on the child's shoulder, casually trying to draw him away from Loki.

"Kyle, why don't you let him think whatever he wants?  I'm sure he would rather not be bothered right now.  Mr. Loki's a very busy man, and he probably wants to be left alone," she said cautiously.

"But mom, he saved us and he still thinks he's a bad guy."

Loki rolled his eyes.

"That's because I _am_ a bad guy," he said emphatically.

"Are not."

"Am t…dammit, why am I even arguing with someone so small?"

"Welcome to the club," the mom grumbled before realizing what she had done and biting her lip, eyeing him with what would have been a comical level of wariness around anyone else. 

The younger brother, who was probably only a year older than the little girl, tugged on his mom's arm.

"He said a naughty word," he said quietly in her ear when she leaned over to talk to him, evidently used to everything he said coming out as little more than a whisper, at least among strangers.

"…Yes he did."

"But he's still not a bad guy," the older one insisted. 

"If it wasn't for you, we'd be in Heaven, like Daddy," the little girl said matter-of-factly, still standing dangerously close to the supervillain, though if his recent display was any indication, Methos wondered how far she would actually have to be from him to be at a safe distance.  The mom's hand jerked out as if to grab her, then eyed Loki cautiously as if deciding that drawing attention to her daughter's proximity was the more dangerous option, and pulled it back.  "We're moving next week, so we don't.  Mommy said there are too many bad guys in the city for it to be safe for us to live here anymore."

"But I'm one of them."

"But you just did something good.  If I'm naughty my mommy sends me to my room, but if I'm good, she doesn't keep sending me to my room and acting like I'm still naughty.  Why don't you think you're good again if you just _did_ something good?"

Loki's brow furrowed in confusion.

"Sometimes, things aren't that simple.  Sometimes you do things that are so bad, that there's no way to be anything but a bad guy," he said softly.

"Doesn't your mommy still love you?"

"…She's dead."

"She's in Heaven?"

"Valhalla, our Heaven.  Yes."

"Aren't people in your Heaven nice, too?"

"…Generally, yes.  I mean, they battle each other a lot, but many of them are still nice.  My…mother certainly was."

"Then she would still forgive you, right?  Even if you were bad?  She wouldn't say you have to be bad forever just because you were once.  Mommies aren't like that."

Loki gaped at her for a moment, then started to speak, but before Methos could see how the supervillain would respond, the front door of the shop was opened so hard it came off its barely-there hinges, and Loki's boisterous Asgardian brother walked in.  The god stared at his brother as if he was a stranger.

"T-thor?" he said in bewilderment. 

Thor wiped green bug slime out of his long, usually golden hair.  He shook it out like a model from a shampoo commercial. 

"I came as soon as I could when I heard about the invasion, brother, but I see you had things well in hand."

"I—you destroyed the door," he said stupidly.

"It was mostly destroyed anyway, so it gave way in my grasp.  I have not accidently destroyed mortal furnishings like that in quite some time."

"I applaud your restraint."

Thor ignored his obvious sarcasm.

"You _saved mortals_ , Loki."

Loki narrowed his eyes stubbornly.

"I used black magic to do it. I destroyed my enemies without raising a hand to them."

"But you used it to save mortals.  And these roach creatures are not sentient in any case.  They were summoned by someone."

"I know.  I sensed the magic.  But no matter how many people I saved today with my actions, I somehow still doubt F—the All-Father would approve."

"Father cares little for mortals.  And he is not here to weigh honor against their lives.  So thank you, whatever your reasons for saving them," he said, giving Loki a penetrating look. 

"…They were threatening the books," he admitted reluctantly.  The look in Thor's eyes look turned fond.  Methos was worried, for a moment, that he would actually pat Loki on the head.  He doubted that would go down well.

"Of course they were.  What say you we call a truce for today, brother?"

Loki's brow furrowed in confusion.

"I…suppose it couldn't hurt.  Battling you here today would destroy these books more surely than those.. _creatures_ would have."

"As you say," Thor said brightly.  "Well then, I shall be off.  It was nice to see you again, brother."

"It was…yes?"

And with that Thor turned on his heel and left, a bounce in his step that hadn't been there before he'd talked to his brother.

"See, your brother doesn't think you have to be bad all the time, now, just 'cause you were before," the little girl said with a knowing voice.  Loki started, seeming to have lost track of his surroundings enough for the second time in one evening for her to sneak up on him.  He looked down at her with exasperation then looked up at Methos, finally deigning to stop ignoring his presence.

" _What_ have you _done_ to me?"


	3. Wherein Loki refuses to let logic thwart him for a second time...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Methos get into something of an argument. Loki refuses to let logic thwart him for a second time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am now making this part of a series, so this story is officially finished, this time, but if I have time to add to Methos and Loki's adventures, I certainly will, and most likely in one-shot installments. It's just that I am starting graduate school in a couple of days, and have to find a job, too, so I probably won't have much time to devote to fic. I really enjoyed writing this story, though, and thank you for all your comments and kudos!

The children and their mother had finally left to be checked out by emergency responders along with the rest of the patrons in the coffee shop, but not before the children had demanded three autographs from the bewildered god and almost bowled him over with hugs, much to their mother's barely-contained horror. Unfortunately for Methos, their sudden absence meant that all of the god's considerably unnerving focus was now turned back onto _him_.

"You have made me very curious about you, mortal," he said, his poison-green eyes narrowed shrewdly at him.  "You didn't even _try_ to appeal to my better nature in order to get me to save you."

"Would that have worked?" Methos asked curiously.

"No. Like I tried to explain to that child, I don't have much of a better nature to appeal to. But most people try it when their lives are in danger, nonetheless. It's curious that you did not."

"Like I said, I've seen you battle the Avengers on television. Whenever anyone tries that, it just makes you angry.

"Fine, then, but how did you know I would want to protect _this_ place?"

Okay, well that, at least, was easy enough to explain without going into his own bloody history. Methos felt himself relax a little.

"Well, you come here almost as much as I do, and while you're relaxed when you’re here, your posture goes straighter and you get really tense when you step outside. You look…" he wanted to say crazier, but for the sake of self-preservation, settled on, "unhappy. It stands to reason that you wouldn't want this place to be destroyed."

"Ah, you remind me of that charming man on television. The one on the channel they call the BBC."

"There are a lot of male characters on the BBC. You'll have to be more specific," Methos said dryly, then wondered, vaguely, if being around that little girl too long had done something to his common-sense. Luckily for him, his insolence didn't result in anyone else exploding, namely him, and Loki only narrowed his eyes in annoyance at him.

"No need to be impolite," he scolded, his frown looking more like a pout to Methos. If his eyes didn't always have that more-than-slightly-unhinged look in them, it would have been adorable. "I just began watching television, so I don’t know much about it. I believe his name was…Sherlock Holmes?"

Methos snorted before he could stop himself.

"I'm hardly Sherlock Holmes."

"But you were doing that thing he does."

"…Deduction?" Methos deduced.

"Yes."

"I'm hardly the only one besides him that can do that. Don't you have logic on Asgard?"

"Yes, but no one but me seems to have much use for it, so we don't exactly have an entire area of expertise devoted to studying it," he said completely seriously. Methos made what was probably a very strange face in a valiant effort to keep from laughing, but thankfully Loki was lost in his own thoughts, so he didn't notice. "Hm, yes. That settles it."

"Settles what?"

"You will come with me and teach me the science of deduction. I have a feeling it will be very useful in my quest to claim the throne of Midgard."

Methos just gaped at him for a moment, unable to articulate how many things were wrong with that sentence.

"So you _haven't_ decided you don't have to be a bad guy all the time?" he said weakly.

"I have, actually. I like it when people are not afraid of me, though I don't understand it, so I shall try to do good things now and then in defiance of my nature. But I still must have my throne."

"Well, that's your first lesson right there," Methos said with exasperation, finally at the end of his rope. "If you ever bothered to find anything out about Earth politics at all, you'd know that _there_ _is no throne of Midgard_."

Loki just made that annoyed frown/pout again and grabbed onto Methos' sleeve, teleporting them both away from the coffee shop in a whoosh of green smoke before he could argue with him anymore. Evidently, Methos thought venomously, as much as Loki really wanted those logic lessons, he didn't want to start them _just yet._

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt:
> 
> For whatever reason, the Avengers are away from Midgard (perhaps off helping the Guardians of the Galaxy idk) leaving New York undefended. Sadly, the newest big bad finds this out and sees this as the perfect opportunity to wipe out humanity. Chaos ensues with them unleashing a deadly army and arming a bomb, whatever else takes your fancy.
> 
> Well, Loki doesn't appreciate that at all - he's grown quite attached to that little coffee shop on the corner an the tailor three blocks over...not to mention the little patisserie near the park...
> 
> Cue Loki stepping in to save the day, taking out the army and dismantling the bomb (doing it the old-fashioned way at that - no magic to make it disappear). All without breaking a sweat.
> 
> He didn't expect people to appreciate it because no one in Asgard ever has, dismissing what he achieved as nothing more than tricks, but the people of Midgard LOVE him. Suddenly, he knows just what it feels like to be a hero...and he likes it.
> 
> Bonus: By the time the Avengers show up, Loki has the. Villain bundled up at his feet and is surrounded by his adoring fans. He tells them all quite casually that he is their newest Avenger.  
> Bonus 2: he tells an excited Thor that this is not for him but for Midgard, thank you very much and he still hates Thor. Whether he means it or not is up to you.


End file.
